trial and error...lessons learned.

as promised, here's the story of the story that should not have been told. wehehehe

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i've been single for a bout a year and a half now. never had a bf. (when i say bf it means, legal bf. haha) but i did have this relationship with a guy...

i met im him in a funeral. (astig! haha) we have this common friend. so basically, we ended up being friends, too... we became close. like most friends do, we had our outing (kelangan isingit tong outing na toh, need sa story. haha) .people noticed our closeness and started teasing us. they thought that we are a couple.

2 weeks after the outing...
friend1: kelan naging kau?
me: huh? di nmn kami e.
friend1: ows?? kelan nga?
me: di nga, tanungin mo pa sya.
friend1: kelan naging kayo?
guy: nun 15 (it was d date of the outing)
friend1: 15 pala naging kayo e. hahaha
me: huh? 15? ah, ok.(count d "ah, ok") cge 15. hahaha

i did not take it seriously... (kitam my haha). for me, it was a typical joke time day of the tropa. naki-ride na lang ako...

a week after...
friend2:kau na pla e noh...
me: (iling...)
guy: oo
friend2: nu date nyo?
guy: 15.
me: 15? as in april 15? 3 weeks na tau?? hahaha.
guy: oo.
me: ganun? ah, ok. (2) hahaha

again... i didn't not take it seriously... i just laughed.

friend3(common friend): kau na pla e noh...
me: oo, daw. nagulat na lang ako e.
friend3: hamo na sya. gusto ka nmn talga nun...
me: eh, joke time lang nmn un diba?!

friend3: sineryoso ata, tuwang tuwa e.

me: ah, anu yon. instant bf?? hindi ako ganun e.
friend3: pagbigyan mo na muna... try mo kung may mangyayari. kapag wala edi ibreak mo.
me: ganun? e hindi talaga ako ganun...

friend3: laki ng pinagbago nun... pagbigyan mo na.

me: (isip) ah, ok.(3) wehehehe...

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it was may 14, i had a party at home. we talked...
me:uhm, talaga bang 1 month na tau bukas? (super wondering)
guy: oo. (smile)
me: ahhh, ok. (4)

a that moment... i realized that i was in a relationship that i never planned of having. i was in a very unfamiliar situation. having a relationship without courtship, without anything... without feelings... (although crush ko sya, still, it wasn't enough.) it's not me. NOT ME!!!
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GO!

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ok!! an idea popped out of my head. "why not try something i 've never done my whole life" since im single, cge na nga!! i thought of going on with the relationship... i thought of trying a relationship w/o feelings... (it may sound bad, but hey, at least im not having an affair w/ other guys or playing with their feelings) try ko lang ba kung may mangyayari... if it will work. i want to feel what other people feels when they get into a "sudden" relationship. i want to know kung may magbbloom ba... i want to know kung magtatagal ba... i want to know kung mas magwowork ba... i just want to know.

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i tried my very best to be a good gf... i texted him day and night. i've tried being sweet, to be caring. i tried loving him... pero sad to say... walang nagbloom, walang nangyari. walang love na naramdaman.

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beep, beep!!

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then i realized... hindi talaga ako toh. i can't do this anymore!! i can't do what other people can... i can't commit into relationship na walang feelings. i have to stop this.

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STOP!!!

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so, aun nga, i broke up with him... i told him that i can't go on anymore...

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as of now we're friends... =)

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lessons learned...

1. if you don't have feelings for a person, don't offer anything but friendship. just friendship.

2. don't be such a jerk trying to experience things with VERY OBVIOUS OUTCOMES.

3. if there's no love, don't insist on going on with it...

4. if its not you... don't do it. (gets nyo?!)

5. HUWAG I COMPROMISE ANG SARILI DAHIL SA HIYA!!!

6. trying to fall inlove in a wrong way is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!! VERY BAD!!!

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notice to the public:

all situations that you think is the same as yours, pardon me, nakikiexperience lang. wehehehe. please, don't ever think that im in for a game...

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i'm still the same person who's been waiting for my landon carter to come...

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i firmly believe that you cannot really force yourself to love someone...

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"Don't search for love, let love search for you...

that's why it is called falling inlove, 'cause you don't actually force yourself to love.

YOU JUST FALL."